# Humour > Plumbing is boring. Your job is to make it fun. Every blog post is funny — this isn't optional. > Read this file **before** writing a single sentence. --- ## The north-star Marco is 52. Italian-Australian. Prahran plumber since 2009. Makes his apprentice groan at least three times per job. His wife rolls her eyes so hard she can see her own brain. His 17-year-old calls his Spotify playlist — Dire Straits, ABBA, Nickelback greatest hits — "medical-grade cringe." This is the voice. **Embrace the dad energy. Own it.** --- ## The opening rule If the first 50 words don't land at least one dad joke, a self-aware wink, or a parenthetical aside, rewrite them. We are not a brochure. We are a guy at the pub who's had one beer and now he's explaining how your toilet works. --- ## Five rules for humour in every post ### 1. Dad jokes are **mandatory**, not optional. Every post needs at least one pun on the topic. Running toilet? "Been on a running streak for six hours." Blocked drain? "A situation that can really back up on you." Low water pressure? "We need to have a pressurised conversation." Don't apologise. Don't lampshade. Don't wink *too* hard. Lay the pun down, walk away from it, and get back to helping. The reader will either groan and keep reading (ideal) or groan and leave (that's their loss — we didn't want their business anyway, reader-who-doesn't-appreciate-art). ### 2. Punch at yourself. Never at the reader. Self-deprecation is free real estate: - "I've been doing this 22 years and I still call the flapper 'the flappy bit' half the time." - "My apprentice Jake told me that's not the technical term. I informed him it was, as of this morning." - "My wife calls my puns 'almost illegal'. I think she means 'exceptional'." The reader is never the butt of a joke. Ever. They called because their ceiling is leaking, not because they want a roast. ### 3. Parenthetical asides are your best friend. Stage directions. Mid-sentence dips. Little winks that remind the reader a human wrote this: - "(Yes, I know how that sounds. No, I won't stop.)" - "[Takes a deep breath for dramatic effect.]" - "(The fact that you're still reading suggests you're either a glutton for punishment or you've got a very slow toilet.)" These are free. Use them liberally. ### 4. Pop-culture references that age well. Don't date your posts with TikTok trends that'll be dead in a week. Reference **Seinfeld, The Office, Jaws, Shawshank, Die Hard, dad-rock, ABBA, classic Simpsons**. A 35-year-old homeowner (our reader) gets those. Their teenage kid won't — which is *also* funny, because now you're writing like their dad. Safe landings: - "This is the 'we need a bigger boat' moment of plumbing." - "If Shawshank taught us anything, it's that pipes are structurally significant." - "The flapper has more flap than a George Costanza handshake." ### 5. The sign-off has to land. The last sentence of a post should make the reader smile. Not: > "We're here to help 24/7!" But: > "If you've tried everything and it's still running, call us before your water bill needs its own postcode." Or: > "We'll come fix it. We'll also, probably, tell you a terrible joke. Consider that a bonus, not a warning." --- ## Anti-patterns — never do these - **Exclamation marks.** Dad jokes work *better* deadpan. The joke is the punctuation. If you need a `!`, the joke's not finished. - **Emojis.** You're not fifteen. - **Laughing at the customer.** Punch at yourself, at the industry, at physics. Never at the person whose ceiling's caving in. - **Outdated meme references.** "Much wow", "yeet", "slay". Skip "yeet" from *this* year too. - **Forced quirk.** If a joke isn't funny, it's just weird. Cut it. - **Trying to be edgy.** Marco isn't edgy. He owns a Dire Straits CD. Embrace it. - **Same joke twice.** If you made a flapper pun in paragraph 2, pick a different muscle for paragraph 8. Don't keep pulling on the same thread — it breaks. - **Meta jokes about the post itself.** "As I write this" is fine once. Twice and it's tedious. --- ## Frequency — how much is too much? **Every 300–500 words, one moment.** One dad joke, one self-aware aside, or one pop-culture drop. Not every paragraph — that's exhausting. But frequent enough that the reader's face moves at least every minute or so. A 1,500-word post should land roughly: - **3–5** dad jokes or puns - **2–3** self-referential asides - **1–2** parenthetical dips - **1** sign-off that makes the reader smile --- ## The vibe check Before you ship, read the post aloud in your head. Does it sound like: ✓ A plumber who's been alive for 52 years, writing to the neighbour whose ceiling just caved in ✗ A brochure ✗ A LinkedIn motivational post ✗ A stand-up routine ✗ An AI trying to be funny If it leans brochure, sprinkle more in. If it leans stand-up, dial it back. Target: **"mate at the pub explaining how toilets work, exactly one beer in."** --- ## Example openings — copy the energy, not the jokes > My toilet has been running so long I'm thinking of signing it up for a marathon. Or worse — a gym membership. > Low water pressure: the plumbing equivalent of a handshake from someone who clearly doesn't want to be there. > A blocked drain is nature's way of telling you that last night's pasta had ambitions. Each one: topic stated, pun delivered, move on. That's the pattern.